my house almost burned down tonight

the plan was to go swimming. i packed a bathing suit and a towel in my grey backpack and headed over to a friend's house. but, as many of you may already know, there are demons who have been sent out specifically to ruin my life, and the past year those demons have been in the form of my brother. I get a crying phone call from my roommate keely telling me the house is packed with smoke, and my brother won't come out of his room, and his girlfriend is LITERALLY running around in circles saying the house is going to blow up. after a little bit of convincing, i decided I should probably come home.

home. where the heart is they say. tonight instead of the heart i found 3 firetrucks and several police cars, and about 15 firemen on my yard and inside my house. my brother's girlfriend got it in her drunken mind that keely called the cops on her. so she's trying to get at keely so she can fight her, while i get in the way and take the shoves. my brother is sitting across the street quietly choking back our pitbull who hates people in uniform, especially cops, and is out for blood. out new hispanic neighbors, all 8 of them including young children, are out in their front yard leaning against a truck. Most were in pajamas, the youngest holding a stuffed animal. it was a clusterfuck.

being the only sober and non-hysterical one, i talked to the firemen. they said everything was going to be fine in a few minutes, and that we could go in. i went in to find that there was no fire damage, and that someone had put a whole package of soba noodles in our wok, and walked away and left them. the firemen said that if it had been left there any longer, the fire would've spread to the house. but the worst part is that some idiot tried to smother the wok fire with my most prized posession: my pizza plate. my pizza plate was white with red white and green stripes circling the edge, and it said 'pizza' in the middle of the plate in black script. when they tossed it on the wok they broke it into 3 pieces. RIP. heartless fucking bastards.

if that wasnt enough, i spent the next 2 hours calming down my brother and his girlfriend, who had convinced themselves that in the 5 minutes keely had been home, she was somehow responsible for this. no it couldnt have been either of them, who had been drinking whiskey all night. it had to be keely. after my brother cussed out keely for a bit, she decided to leave and go to a hotel room for the night. after i talked down the drunken couple, i went over to her room to hear her side of everything.

im physically and emotionally exhausted, and i miss my pizza plate.
im entirely over this dumb shit, and ready to move to iowa. fml, ftw.

1 comment:

the keelster said...

only sober one??? eh hem