fight city life.

moving up, moving on.

2010-05-18T02:41:00.003-04:00

since my last entry i:

-moved to dc.
-worked as a keyholder at american apparel.
-quit AA and became the service manager at a new vegan restaurant.
-quit cafe green and am waiting to start a job touring for PETA.
-decided to move to braddock, PA in the fall to live with my best friends

im definitely going to keep a tour blog this summer, and it'll most likely be here.

stay tuned.

we'll fight. we'll win. we wont give in.

2009-10-27T12:36:00.003-04:00

i don't live in iowa anymore. im not sure i live anywhere at all.
i have stories that i wont share, and a considerable lack of regret.

for now: braddock, PA. with my best friends on cold nights keeping eachother's hands warm and sadness at bay.
and then? perhaps baltimore. perhaps new york. perhaps touring. perhaps dying. i don't really have any sortof clue.

i'm coming to terms with getting older and growing up.
but i stand by my creedo that "all grownups iz pirates."

i'll meet you all again on your long journey to the middle.

i could go all night.

2009-09-30T02:23:00.004-04:00

this was never supposed to be a personal blog. because really, who actually wants to know what goes on inside my head? i don't even. its neurotic, its dysfunctional, and mostly, its a stream of bad ideas one after another.

so im not going to share.

but i will talk about my rediscovery of my enjoyment of live music. being so broke the last few years, i've gone to next to no shows. I missed my favorite bands when they came through town, i missed seeing all the bands my friends started to love, and i fell completely out of touch with music... the one thing that really drives me. ive barely had a working computer the past few years, so even downloading albums was out. i survived on repeat play nights of old albums and wore them thin. Since moving here, despite still not having much money, i've been going to a ton of shows. i've been downloading music, talking about music, and writing music. and honestly, i'm far happier than i've been in a long time. its strange to admit that, seeing as how i never planned to like des moines. despite my inherently negative attitude i've found a lot to enjoy. maybe i'm just experiencing what everybody already knew about, or maybe i'm just at a point where i'll let myself be happy just a little bit. but no matter what it is, there is new music around me constantly, both in and out of my house, and im starting to notice my face being sore from the permanent smile plastered on it.

i'm aware of who i am, and i realize that this could change at any second. one false move and i'll be back to square one. but for now i'm really soaking it in, man.

words of wisdom from my roommate

2009-09-13T23:30:00.001-04:00

ALL SAINTS DAY

2009-09-13T23:03:00.001-04:00

comes out on my birthday. fuck yes.

if you got a throat, i got a knife

2009-09-11T02:49:00.005-04:00

two nights ago i had more fun on a swingset than ive had in a long time. yesterday i drove a racist girl away from our table and out of the restaurant we were at. tonight i saw a big wiener that belonged to a strange drunk man while a hardcore band played in full hockey gear.

i feel like every time i leave my house i make a new friend. i'm not sure if its me, or if its just this place, but everyone has been so nice to me and so surprisingly genuine. its different than the east coast... not necessarily better, but it might be what i need right now.

its nice to feel like im not totally alone here. its nice to have life plans in the works, adventures to plan, and crushes to get excited about. im starting to have a life here, and from here on out its steady rollin'.

i wouldn't call this place home, but its certainly got my attention.

eastbound and down.

2009-08-23T23:05:00.002-04:00

i don't really have any crazy stories or anything like that yet, sorry to disappoint. i'm still not really sure how or why i am where i am, but i guess it'll have to do. for the meantime, iowa is actually kindof cool. the people are nice, i live in an awesome house, and i have lots of time to focus on my own things. stay tuned for better posts.

but for now, check this out...

i've always wanted to be a bad guy

2009-07-20T11:24:00.001-04:00

on goodbyes

2009-07-19T14:48:00.004-04:00

i'm the first to admit about myself that i'm great at starting things, decent at follow through, and absolutely horrible at endings. this includes goodbyes. lately i've had that sick feeling in my stomach that feels like hunger but no food could possibly satiate. okay maybe a lot of mac n cheese and pizza, but i'm going for dramatic affect here. the feeling comes from knowing that i have to make sacrifices no matter what i decide to do in my life, but i'm never really prepared for them. i know perfectly well that i shouldn't have come to visit new york, but i felt like i had to. call me a glutton for punishment, but i tend to live in the past and have a bad habit of revisiting it. though instead of finding my past this time, i actually have been glimpsing an alternate future that i didn't expect and i don't totally hate.

i've been hearing reflective stories lately from a girl that reminds me of myself. stories that i think not many would want to hear, but i think i understand them in a way that only someone like us could. if anything, hearing them has helped me to understand a little bit more why i've done a lot of the same things. why i've been as secretive as i have. and why i'm in the same position of trying to stay afloat in my own bad ideas and trying not to get sucked underneath by an undertow of regret. i know how it feels to be so tired of barely treading water that sometimes you say fuck it and sink for awhile. i meant it when i said that i respect your good intentions. i think i just wish that, for once, timing was on my side.

psychosocial

2009-07-17T12:23:00.005-04:00

because of a series of mishaps and errs in judgment, the recording studio that i'm going to work for in iowa needs to be gutted and redesigned. after the initial scare of me possibly not moving there, it was decided to move forward and rebuild. so i'm moving, but i'm going to have to find another job for a little bit while the studio is being reconstructed. i'm hoping that could involve a little touring, but i'll keep that on the hush for now.

the situation isn't ideal, but it means getting to be a part of this studio project from the ground up. it also means being able to help design it, which is an amazing opportunity and will make my work life a lot better when i'm working for a studio that hopefully looks and operates somewhat like i think it should.

on august 31st i move in with the singer of ________, who i'm already realizing is probably going to become a close friend of mine, and start my new mid-western life. i don't really know how my life got to be where it is, but i'm here now and i'm liking it.

though i've recently realized that some things will be harder than others to leave behind.

on not being a total douchebag

2009-07-06T10:36:00.003-04:00

clearly i still have a lot to figure out.

i promise more real updates and a total redesign when i am settled into iowa.

the shape of crabcore to come

2009-06-30T02:51:00.003-04:00

its really great that i don't live in the stolen sleeves house anymore, because now me and those dudes can really appreciate eachother again. i'm gonna go ahead and say that i fucking love those guys and i'm stoked that we're past whatever issues we had with eachother. if you havent listened to swallowed up yet, do your brainstem a favor and get the fuck with it: http://www.myspace.com/swallowedxup

its now official: at the end of july I move to des moines, iowa to work for "The 700" recording studio. big things are coming.

july 4th: remainder, swallowed up, and zombie dogs show in DC
july 5th: NYC
july 11th: baltimore
july 13th: philly/NYC
july 22nd: greensboro
july 30th: iowaaaa.

lets hang out.

my house almost burned down tonight

2009-06-24T01:39:00.003-04:00

the plan was to go swimming. i packed a bathing suit and a towel in my grey backpack and headed over to a friend's house. but, as many of you may already know, there are demons who have been sent out specifically to ruin my life, and the past year those demons have been in the form of my brother. I get a crying phone call from my roommate keely telling me the house is packed with smoke, and my brother won't come out of his room, and his girlfriend is LITERALLY running around in circles saying the house is going to blow up. after a little bit of convincing, i decided I should probably come home.

home. where the heart is they say. tonight instead of the heart i found 3 firetrucks and several police cars, and about 15 firemen on my yard and inside my house. my brother's girlfriend got it in her drunken mind that keely called the cops on her. so she's trying to get at keely so she can fight her, while i get in the way and take the shoves. my brother is sitting across the street quietly choking back our pitbull who hates people in uniform, especially cops, and is out for blood. out new hispanic neighbors, all 8 of them including young children, are out in their front yard leaning against a truck. Most were in pajamas, the youngest holding a stuffed animal. it was a clusterfuck.

being the only sober and non-hysterical one, i talked to the firemen. they said everything was going to be fine in a few minutes, and that we could go in. i went in to find that there was no fire damage, and that someone had put a whole package of soba noodles in our wok, and walked away and left them. the firemen said that if it had been left there any longer, the fire would've spread to the house. but the worst part is that some idiot tried to smother the wok fire with my most prized posession: my pizza plate. my pizza plate was white with red white and green stripes circling the edge, and it said 'pizza' in the middle of the plate in black script. when they tossed it on the wok they broke it into 3 pieces. RIP. heartless fucking bastards.

if that wasnt enough, i spent the next 2 hours calming down my brother and his girlfriend, who had convinced themselves that in the 5 minutes keely had been home, she was somehow responsible for this. no it couldnt have been either of them, who had been drinking whiskey all night. it had to be keely. after my brother cussed out keely for a bit, she decided to leave and go to a hotel room for the night. after i talked down the drunken couple, i went over to her room to hear her side of everything.

im physically and emotionally exhausted, and i miss my pizza plate.
im entirely over this dumb shit, and ready to move to iowa. fml, ftw.

stephen.

2009-04-22T23:45:00.002-04:00

a study in bunnies.

2009-04-14T15:17:00.002-04:00

a study in puppies.

2009-04-02T05:51:00.007-04:00

a study in hopelessness.

2009-04-02T05:46:00.004-04:00

dale yeah.

2009-03-06T17:51:00.002-05:00

naysayer, backtrack, hostage calm

2009-03-06T15:43:00.006-05:00

(( MORE HERE ))

learn nothing, meantime, petition.

2009-01-10T03:02:00.007-05:00

(( click click click ))

the night before this show, i went with derek and damien to raleigh to see all of these same bands play. the show was at this ridiculous metal club that had all of these t-shirts and banners from all these huge metal bands all over the black walls. literally NO ONE showed up except for us, so in honor of who knows what, all of these bands basically played numetal sets. no one played any of their normal instruments, in fact until the night after i had no idea what any of the bands sounded like or who was actually in each of the bands. at certain points there were 12 people on stage wearing black wigs and sunglasses playing fake instruments. it was probably one of the best times i've ever had at a show.

about 20 people ended up staying at my house that night, filling all of the floor space in my house, and i didn't get to bed until well past sunrise.

the shots of the metal band are due to the fact that the show that night apparently got double booked. i kindof just felt bad that no one was watching these jokers, but the photos turned out awesome.

broke.

2009-01-07T17:37:00.003-05:00

so i was going to buy a flash today, but that definitely didn't happen. Thanks to bank of america's standard douchebaggery i had to give them all the money i had plus more.

cool.

down to nothing, swamp thing, forfeit

2009-01-06T21:58:00.005-05:00

((click for more))

i am not dying!

2008-12-23T15:17:00.004-05:00

loving josh sisk right now.

generally, i think reunions are self-indulgent. especially when not that many people really cared about your band. however, playing with the chase was one of the most fun/totally fucking rad things i've done in a long time. in such a warm and familiar way it was just one big 'family' reunion. though old drama never seems to take an easy grave, really good times were had. i'd post more photos, but they are blogged here, so go check them out if you want to see what you did or didn't miss out on depending on whether or not you were a total idiot and didn't come.

i've been having a really good trip so far. i've had some well-needed reality checks, some ego boosts, and overall noteworthy experiences. i think that by the time i return to my quaint little town of asheville i will have acquired the necessary perspective to really make the most of my life right now.

why enough is never really enough.

2008-12-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

the new heading in its most obvious form is a tribute to the idea that falling short and giving up just aren't options for me. 'enough' is a word laced with stagnancy, which is a concept that i know too well. at 23 i'm making a choice to take charge of my life. as the brilliant and far underrated lyricist of breathe in breathe out once put it: "i'm breaking out, i'm pushing on. there's no more time to waste."

there is also a lot more to it though. "enough is never enough" also comments on my (somewhat negative) feelings about the punk scene's attitudes and misgivings towards failures in personal and social activism. its about how i felt that when i was living at my brooklyn loft, how nothing i did was ever quite good enough. mostly i was met with a negative attitude, especially when i screwed up or said something out of line, but i was rarely ever met with compliments or even positive criticism. there wasn't any open dialogue to help me to get to where i wanted to be in terms of my attitudes and treatments towards women, and the solidifying of my personal politics in general. i think that this problem extends to a lot of the punk scene that i have known, and it just makes me wonder who is going to help out the next younger generations of punk if we're so busy being pretentious? i know i've said a lot of this before and its a trite concept at this point, but i'm still struggling with it.

going further with this, "enough is never enough" is also about punk's role in the world. no matter what we do to save/take back little pieces of our sanity and our planet, its not going to be enough ever. in this sense, the attitudes of punks make a lot of sense, but instead of trying to gain support in our lives and causes, i think a lot of times its more important for people to be able to categorize eachother, pushing them away rather than pushing them forward. this has to end.

and hey, this is all just my personal experience, i know that its different for a lot of people. i am aware that at times i haven't been taken seriously because i am simply not a serious person most of the time. so don't get me wrong when i am saying this, because i can honestly say at this point that i'm working on meeting the world half way too.

so i stand by my words and the newest easy-to-swallow catchphrase in my life.

"that 'through being cool' kindof going out."

2008-12-08T05:08:00.004-05:00

lately in my house i have been the 'latenight leftovers destroyer'. basically the deal is if you live with me and/or eat food in my house you better finish that shit or i will sneak out in the middle of the night and ruin tomorrows lunch for you. dreaming about that last slice of pizza? dream on.

we hungry.

PS i seriously cannot wait for vinnies pizza and also for bagel city in brooklyn. . i might even get a vinnie's pizza tattoo. i might not leave once i get there. fuuuuck.

DAMAGED

2008-12-08T03:20:00.003-05:00

one week until i get that phrase tattooed across my chest. its now more than ever that i am realizing how unfortunately true that statement is. i will never have the normal life that i was always promised. i will always hate the world and most of the people in it will hate me, and there is nothing i can do about it. my parents tried to put me down the path opposite of theirs, but i inherited all of their fuckups and am slowly working on making them look like saints through my failures. i think i will accomplish a lot in my lifetime, but i'll have to work 4 times as hard just to not fuck it all up.

mine is the path of most resistance.

high fives and loft dives.

2008-12-05T08:49:00.005-05:00

this whole night was pretty much just one big inside joke at several people's expenses. but hey, they probably should've known better. i definitely saw our new purple shirted friend fall off a ladder 10 feet and hit her head on the ground and pass out for like 30 seconds, only to wake up and continue 'partying'. i found out that there is passion fruit scented lube, and found out exactly how awesome hand tattoos are... they are magical. i also explored secret passageways and collected some treasures along the way.

johnson city, see you again tonight.

this is hell @ the hideaway.

2008-12-05T08:32:00.005-05:00

if the good die young we'll fucking live forever.

((more photos here))

who wants a mustache ride?

2008-12-05T06:30:00.004-05:00

a few from a fairground ave show, a few from spending time with my favorite people in this town. there are a lot of memories that i carry like a bag of bricks, but lately i've been floating.

for mikey. (see you in a week you bastard)

2008-12-05T05:25:00.004-05:00

just after i first moved to asheville, mikey and roxanna came to visit me. when we were hiking around in the mountains we came across a beer sitting at the bottom of a shallow stream. we figured it was really old and must have been lost in the river a long time ago, so naturally i tried to get roxanna to drink it. instead she poured it out for her dead homies... like 20 seconds later this bro walks down to us and asked if we'd seen a gaelic ale. he was pretty cool about it though when we told him what happened, and i got him to let me take his picture with his fallen brew.

i'm heading north on december 12th. i'll be in new york from the 13th until at least the 16th, then on to philly, then DC by the 20th for the bibo/chase reunion show. from there i'll just be hanging out for a week. so lets hang out. i love and miss all of you, way more than you know.

outbreak show photos.

2008-12-03T04:37:00.002-05:00

here.

misplaced distrust.

2008-12-03T03:33:00.002-05:00

outbreak @ the hideaway
johnson city, TN 11/30

i don't trust kind people, and even worse sometimes i even look down on them. i grew up being friends with kids who bonded through shit talking and insults, we trashed eachother and pushed eachothers buttons always. it probably wasnt the most positive environment, and a lot of times i ended up not being able to take it and really hating myself... its because of that environment that i am able to be a mean person. my wit is pretty sharp when i want it to be, especially when im confident but this isnt always bad; i think that defense mechanisms are just one method of survival. however when i encounter truly kind people, those who are giving and have no pretention or want anything out of their interaction with me, i clam up. i get defensive and insulting and try to act 'cool'. i find myself drawn to people who are assholes, and sometimes even to be who don't like me, simply because im used to a certain amount of coldness and social distrust, especially pretentiousness.

i really hope i get over this, because i hate the fact that i push people away for no good reason at all.

empire strikes back.

2008-12-01T03:13:00.001-05:00

heres to getting blown off.

2008-11-18T03:57:00.002-05:00

i had a really good night. went out to probably the last fairground avenue show (pictures to come) where they covered jawbreaker's boxcar, and i made them play bukake breakdowns. then went to ihop with some kids after. met up with keely and some of her friends and then went back to keely's to watch The Mighty Boosh, one of the best tv shows i've seen in awhile. totally fucking nuts. check it out.

i spent more time with maggie, her hound, and even though she shit out more shit than i've ever seen a dog shit in my life, and it was all over the floor, shes awesome and i can't wait for the insanity of 2 dogs in my house.

anyway i have class in 7 hours. i still hate people who are shit at being honest, and i had a good night none the less. justine comes to visit in a few days, and im pretty excited about that.

love (is dead),
ian.

the mean reds.

2008-11-17T14:00:00.003-05:00

since moving here, i haven't fucked up my life at all. i haven't made anyone hate me, said anything awful, gotten in any debauchery or shattered my reputation. in a blog that promises fucking up, i have fallen short of my general life goal: trouble. i'm not sorry that i'm able to create some sort of balance in my life for once, but i am a little disappointed i guess. but its coming, i can feel it. the demons are catching up, and weighing down on me in the form of an upcoming destruction. i'm fearful yet excited.
stay tuned.

RECEPTION WALTZ.

2008-11-12T23:59:00.001-05:00

knoxville.

killer.

kurt killed courtney.

dog, kitchen, project.

rain check.

2008-11-12T22:54:00.000-05:00

i have a 7 page paper due tomorrow.

2008-11-12T20:24:00.000-05:00

from in my room across the hall i can hear my brother having sex. i hear lengthy, trashy sounding moans repeatedly breaking through the constant drone of whatever jungle/techno music they are listening to. all of this is muffled by the door of course. the moaning stops and i hear muttering. wait, moaning again. my dog can't really take this, he's been locked out of my brothers room and through every jungle sex noise he's sitting outside the door, his ears perked and his eyes sad, whining constantly. theres that moaning again. i think i heard an "oh yeah baby". i'm trying to picture it as something its not. bench pressing. thats it, he's spotting her and the moans are just her conquering the iron.

my kitchen reeks of the pbr inside the bottle that my brother probably knocked over. he didn't clean it up. but the first lingering smell that hit me when i opened my front door was cheap perfume and cigarettes. if you've ever met a 'jersey girl', you know what i'm talking about. the muttering between moans is probably her debating the ethics of globalization. oh wait, she just yelled "oh my fucking clit". nevermind.

my brothers door just opened and he stumbled out with no shirt on.
"hey, you got any condoms?"

out with the old.

2008-11-09T02:26:00.001-05:00

i think i'm getting "damaged" in script across my chest in december.

stoked.

FTFW.

2008-11-02T23:41:00.000-05:00

i had my 3oo watt lightbulb clipped to my cd shelf. somehow the bulb got pushed over towards the cds and melted BOTH copies of my american nightmare - background music cd before i realized what was going on.

FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD.

get bent.

2008-11-02T21:41:00.000-05:00

"the world is a dark place and no one understands you."
- Henry Rollins

i hate this fucking town. i have met some pretty cool kids, but no one seems interested in doing anything besides drinking. popularity in this town is based on where you work/what business you own. oh, and the christians walk among the non-christians. and worse, i've now met some christians that i REALLY like. everyone i meet here seems to like me, and i like everyone that i meet. so how come when sunday rolled around montford park was a ghost town. i'm already tired of trying to facilitate cool events.

if i'm not on tour in a year,
i'm moving to philadelphia.
or maybe san francisco.
or anywhere but here.

23.

2008-10-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

today is my birthday. i also just made it to 5000 blog hits.

i will celebrate this by doing rootbeer keg stands tonight.

yesssssssssss.

empire tattoo.

2008-10-25T14:16:00.000-04:00

danny reed.

the long road to freedom

2008-10-21T21:53:00.000-04:00

these past few weeks have been long and dark, but hopeful. the demons are always on my trail and lately they've been catching up, licking their lips and whispering darkness into my ears. i'm caught between feeling like a prisoner in my own home, and feeling like i'm really on the road to a calming goodness in my life. i'm learning what it means to do what i feel is right, rather than do what i feel i'm supposed to be doing. no wonder people are so afraid of decisions: there is always a loss.

however i've been sticking to the basics lately. i organized a weekly 'punk rock' kickball game which for the past 2 weeks has had a pretty decent turnout. this week will hopefully be the best so far. there is very little thats more fun than playing sports with good/new friends while listening to my favorite tunes. on sundays at 2, life is pretty damn good.

here is some stuff i've been working on:

a portrait series: part I

2008-10-01T01:53:00.000-04:00

scared to death, scared to look...

my last few nights in town.

2008-09-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

a mid-summer night's kickball. july. washington, dc.

i miss you all dearly.

wtb.

2008-09-28T20:31:00.000-04:00

the only icon on my desktop is a .txt file called 'tobuy'. this white little guy is rather elusive, and is both the source and solution to most of my problems. one of my biggest demons is ownership, the one demon which i cannot fight no matter how hard i try... hes a rare breed of bastard. conversely, according to the duke the previously-thought-mythical point of owning everything you want is actually real! congratulations jack, you're obviously some kind of high level warlock who can suspend time and bend space and shit. i, however, am not there yet. so in an effort to actually save up for some of these things that i want, i am employing 2 methods.

1. hiding money from myself. this is a lot harder than you think, but i've come up with a pretty fool-proof method where i can keep tracking of how much is hidden, but it would require way too much effort to actually find any of the money.

2. i am publicizing my want to buy list. looking at it with a critical eye will hopefully help me remove things i dont need, or legitimize them enough to that i actually save for them.

in case you haven't figured it out yet, i am my own worst enemy. so here goes nothing:

(in order of most important to least important)
ikea record shelf - $150 - this is the one piece of furniture for my room, it'll hold everything.
70's tuner/amplifier - $50-100 i need music in my room because my computer sucks.
record player - $50-$100 - to go with the badass 70's tuner.
new cranks for bianchi - $100 - my chainring is ovalized and the cranks are shitty anyway.
get laptop fixed - $150-$200 - this way i can actually edit photos for my 5 readers.
chrome messenger bag - $100 probably - i need something i can bike with well.
cranks for panasonic - $150 - after all the things i need, im going to finish building my dream
get FIR wheel built - $150 - " "
black cat jordan 4s - hopefully $100 (they're vegan!) - i know, i know. but they're so rad.
organic nudie thin finns - $200 from a secret place - yes, i already know how many pairs of jeans i own.
a shit dick fuck ton of records - $10000000 - and the list goes on.......

so if anyone is feeling generous somewhere around october 30th, or christmas, or whenever, consider this my list for ~~santa~~SATAN.

Chapter XVI: On Last Goodbyes

2008-08-26T14:57:00.000-04:00

its strange saying goodbye to people when you know it might be the last time you speak. I unknowingly said a lot of those goodbyes in june when i left new york for DC naively thinking that i'd be back in a few months. i said more of these in august, though knowingly this time, when i came back to pick up my remaining things from my old loft. most of the time i was there i felt like a ghost: like i had unfinished business and i was solemnly haunting new york city. people could see me and hear me but all parties knew that i didn't belong, that it was an accident that i was back there again because everyone else had moved on while i painstaking grasped at connections that were long lost. thank you to those who made my haunting slightly more bearable, especially the unexpected ones who helped me remember the good parts of the last two years, of which there were many more than i sometimes like to acknowledge. goodbye new york.

i decided to only post the images from new york that felt very real, of which there were very few. after i left i said goodbye in philadelphia and baltimore, so i included a few shots of people in those cities as well. i hate most of the photos i took, my heart just wasn't in it that weekend. the next post will have best friends and far-from-last goodbyes in silver spring.

all photos can be clicked for a larger version, as usual.

Chapter XV: Witches, Warlocks, And Ghosts

2008-08-04T21:41:00.001-04:00

sorry its been so long between posts lately. between finishing up engineering school at omega studios, packing, tying up loose ends, saying goodbye to all of my friends, and finally moving, I haven't had much time or sleep as of late. but don't worry, I haven't forgotten you guys.

A few weekends ago I went to the beach with some pretty amazing ~~kids.~~ It turns out that they are all WITCHES, WARLOCKS AND GHOSTS and over the weekend they taught me their ways.

this is my favorite photograph i've taken to date.

and then shit got a little crazy....

roxanna summoned a fucking PHOENIX.

mikey took this.

and this.

and this.

Chapter XIV: Memphis

2008-07-28T17:30:00.000-04:00

one summer night's the only time we've known

how many people can you honestly say you know that, if you asked, would drive 8 hours to meet you in a town in Tennessee that neither of you had ever been to before, simply for the sake of adventure? Probably even less than you think. I tend to keep the company of people who aren't afraid to leave their comfort zones, to say fuck no to rules and do whatever the fuck they feel like doing. modern nomads, those who hate or can't hold jobs, who get that itch every few weeks or months to do something new. I also can't handle the stagnancy of repetition; i yearn to meet new people, even if i end up hating everything about them. But it's about new experiences and excitement. Maybe its residual ADHD from my youth, maybe its why i've always had trouble holding down jobs or keeping people in my lives, or why i'm always leaving and always making promises i don't know how to keep. it bothers me sometimes, but i can't say that my life isn't incredibly exciting. I get into more ridiculous situations than most people I know without doing anything that goes against my ever-fun-crippling ethics, I have a lot of incredible friends all over the place who aren't afraid to tell me if I've done something wrong, and apparently I've made some enemies along the way too, which oddly enough, Im really okay with. I'm sure I'll talk more about this when I post about my final trip to new york. Aside from being generally broke all of the time and wishing i read as many books as I get excited about, I'm really stoked about everything. But I digress.......
Memphis is really fucking awful city. By day its a ghost town everywhere. At night it's a different story. Inside the lines of downtown the streets are bustling with disney world-style overweight white people, obviously having family reunions and chowing down on corndogs, or whatever it is fat white people eat. There are 4 star hotels, flagship chain restaurants, sports bars, and pigs everywhere. Its 'tourist heaven' (read: hell) and completely absurd. It also feels a bit like atlanta, with oldschool impalas sporting 26" rims and candy coated so thick that they'd probably glimmer in a pitch black room. People everywhere doing awful people things and getting rowdy. Yuck. Outside of downtown its pretty much ghost town all the time. The streets are run down and a lot of the businesses are closed and boarded up. I did a lot of research on vegan restaurants, and pretty much all of them were shut down when I went to find them. Oddly enough, when i researched memphis on wikipedia it said that "The city appeared in the top eight of the 50 best major metro areas in the U.S. for starting and growing a business in 2000, according to Inc. magazine." Maybe they are only referring to the downtown, which between the baseball stadium and the cargo airport, plus all of the 'blues' tourist attractions, probably does insanely well. But I can't imagine a small business doing well there. The progressive 'green' and local food supporting movements that I've been seeing in different cities (Portland, the East Coast) are completely non-existent in Memphis as far as I can tell.

Despite all of this I had a really amazing time, though I blame that on the company. Turns out that Texas has more to offer than genius-ly thick cut bread. There wasn't much to shoot, but heres a few I like.

Chapter XIII: The City of Roses...And Strippers. Part II.

2008-07-20T23:25:00.000-04:00

Chapter XII: The City of Roses...And Strippers. Part I.

2008-07-20T21:47:00.000-04:00

Every town has a story, often set to music. Maybe its an era of music, maybe its a defining band, or just a solemn note. Every crescendo is timed just right with a piece of history, the kind of history that humans are self-important enough to think is meaningful . The lives of individuals and groups captured in audible expression: prayer hymns and feel-good utopian what-ifs, stories of war and of peace, of friendship and deceit, of love. And why shouldn't these things be important? Lately I've been burdened by the shame of all things distinctly human. From material goods to politics to complex emotions.... I've recently been approaching situations in terms of what would happen if we blended ourselves back into nature, completely overlooking or finding interest in things that aren't tied into nature. I say as I type this. And the more i catch myself romanticizing primitivism, the more I'm reminded of how far removed my life is from it. I often oversimplify things in my head in an attempt to figure them out in a one-liner sortof way. i don't think this is uncommon, but its certainly counter-productive. And between traveling all over the place, finishing up a class, planning a moving, and working on saying long-term goodbyes for the first time, I'm not doing much better than pop-philosophy one liners lately. And it has mostly come out as Live Fast, Fuck Dying. No surprises there. What I can say is that in my travels I have figured out a lot more about myself, about the people i surround myself with, and my place within our black and white, one-liner culture.

This is where Portland comes in. I spent almost 2 weeks there, now a few weeks back, and it did a lot to change me; just like i am changed every time I leave my immediate surroundings in search of an adventure. It's always subtle, often too difficult to put into words, but I feel it. I stayed at Fort Konik, in NE Portland, the home of my friends Jake, Justine, Lucas, and Phil. By the time I'd left I'd shot photos for a nude cookbook, got beaten up by little kids with an 8 foot inflatable bat, went to my first strip club, and got dared into rocking a mustache. These don't seem like particularly life change-provoking events, i know, but I don't really feel the need to defend them as such either. I missed my friends there a lot, especially matt "matty bo" hayek. One fun thing about Portland is actually the bars. For the first time I didn't mind hanging out in them, in fact i requested it. Every bar that we hung out at had really good vegan food and locally bottled rootbeer. One bar down the street from Ft. Konik also had a free jukebox full of early 00's emo, and a free pool table. So naturally I spent a lot of time there, especially once Jack and Sean (finally) met up with me. Yeah, bars. still hate them mostly, but i think its important to have public places to go be social, so if i can't fight people wanting to base that around alcohol, I at least am slightly more okay with it when there are things for me at those places, too.

Stripping. My friend Justine strips. I've been talking about this a lot lately it seems, because most people people aren't bothered by strip clubs and are always curious why I was so off put by going to one. So i'm over it and worn out by the discussion, but I will say that Justine had a lot of interesting things to say about the stripping profession, and I just received in the mail the book "Flesh For Fantasy", which she bought for me and sent me. I am going to miss her a lot.

I've got a lot of photos, so i'm just going to drop them all into the next post.

chapter XI: ikea.

2008-07-08T17:47:00.000-04:00

i'm on your side and we're always right.
i love ikea. before i left for portland i took a trip to ikea with melanie. not to actually buy anything, but just because i love it so much. there is something so voyeuristic about the entire experience, something so private put out in the open. the building is full of set up rooms... living rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms, and walking through you see people experiencing these rooms as if they are their own. they try to act natural, getting the feel for things. you can see them staring at the blank fake tv imagining monday night football with a budweiser in their hand. they open the fridge and imagine what it would look like with their casseroles and potroasts inside, they lay on beds and stare into eachothers eyes, imagining they're alone. but they aren't alone. i'm there, and when they aren't looking im capturing them. in their element, in their homes. people always wonder what everyone else does when they're in their houses, when you're at a party you always want to go upstairs and open closed doors to see whats behind them. don't deny it. its okay, you can't help it. i understand, we're all voyeurs in one way or another.

i'll say it again. i fucking love ikea.

chapter X: time.

2008-06-26T00:57:00.000-04:00

if you want more views then you need more n00dz - mia

so maybe you wake up 2 hours later than you were supposed to in order to catch your plane. maybe you were busy all night working on something you're really happy about. maybe you still catch your plane. maybe you have a 1 hour wait, a 5.5 hour flight headed west which turns into 2.5 when you reach san francisco, another 1 hour wait and then then a 1.5 hour flight to Portland, Oregon where it should be 11 pm but its not.

busses are miserable. they smell like toilets, they're full of screaming children, they break down and leave you on the side of the road, and sometimes you fall asleep and end up somewhere in brooklyn when you've never been to new york before because the bus driver didn't see you in the back and you have to hang out with him all day while the bus gets worked on and listen to him talk about 'the damn chinese'. planes arent so bad. except when you sit next to a 10 year asian boy who keeps farting the whole time, and all you have on your ipod is music that makes you want to mosh down the aisle.

portland is..... yep. fuck yeah.

chapter VIIII: TIMBERRRRRRR! and STEFAN!

2008-06-24T06:05:00.000-04:00

the barn.

solid dudes.

lurkin.

lol.

hes cute AND in a band.

a hero among heroes.

im seriously too tired to write good captions.

hmm... oh yeah, BONG MARLEY.

this girl read my sextrology.

this dude ruled.

none of these photos are any good, but for some reason it seems like a good idea to post them.

i'm leaving for portland in 5 hours and i haven't gone to sleep yet. my eyes are past the blurry point of no return. my fine motor skills are fading, and im burning out quick. not to mention i haven't taken a shower in a week. i had an exciting day which i'll post about after a nap.

i'll try to update in portland, otherwise, see you in 12 days. i love you. good night.

get muxed up.

2008-06-22T14:04:00.000-04:00

mixes.

i think mixes are still the greatest thing ever. nothing makes me happier than getting to hear new music, especially when once in awhile i don't hate it. if i had the money i would buy random old records in the thrift store on the off chance they were good. but who has that kind of money.. or time? so instead i've been spending a lot of time on muxtape, the greatest internet creation ever (read:lately). i actually have a pretty retarded computer setup right now; you know how you keep buying and upgrading things but it seems like one piece of technology you have is always outdated or broken? story of my life lately.

so check it out: my latest muxtape. by latest i mean everything i've been listening to in my car. i don't think any of it is newer than 2007, if that.

here's some other shit i've been loving lately.

part 2 of the photo post is coming later, maybe.

chapter VIII: the last week, abbreviated. part I.

2008-06-22T02:01:00.000-04:00

these fuckin guys.

2008-06-22T01:14:00.000-04:00

check out this article about jack and sean cycling across america. if all goes according to plan, i'll be meeting up with them in portland sometime next week. i love these guys, even with zack morris hair in goofy sunglasses. keep gleaming the cube, guys. or whatever it is you're doing out there.

3 is definitely not a crowd.

2008-06-21T01:45:00.000-04:00

i'm awfully behind, i know. i've been busy doing things FOR the blog, but not actually posting in it. funny how that works. here's a list of what i've been up to lately and simultaneously my ode to really awesome shit:

+ ebay. so you know all those thousands of dollars worth of clothes i have laying around? all the things that didn't fit any of y'all motherfuckers? they're finally slowly going on ebay and paying off like cash cow of my dreams. selling a tshirt for $70 that i got for free is pretty great.

+ friends. here at fight city-life we like friends. i mean i really love friends. 2 of them recently came from philly to hang out with me and other friends. friends are great. friends.

+ dessert. coconut milk cookie dough soy ice cream and vegan apple pie. these amazing things have been taking up a lot of my time. i <3 bring a fatty.

+ melanie benetato. is my favorite person in the world right now. she is always surrounded by huge, awesome dogs. the other night one of them kept mounting me and trying to have his way with me. i was flattered. melanie rules because she will listen to me rant about whatever inane shit for hours. melanie is also cute as a goddamn button.

+ penpals. best concept. and totally wholesome and honest, which is definitely what i need right now. and plus, nothing is better than getting actual mail that isnt bills or other bad news. though me and USPS are in a fight right now.

its 3 am and past my bedtime. i think im headed to philly tomorrow afternoon, but i promise a photo post before i go. until then, bon nuit.

chapter VII: destroy all humans?

2008-06-17T02:16:00.000-04:00

this is nothing new or particularly innovative, but i figured i'd take my own stab at it.

i've been thinking a lot lately about punk's role as a counter-culture. it seems to me that during that time that i have been involved in punk and activism, both peripherally and directly, i've seen so little accomplished. the irritating part is that in a world this big, i don't think i have the perspective to understand what accomplishment really is. or what would really qualify me to be able to determine that. what i have seen is a growth of the culture on a social level: more young punks dressing and acting the part while smoking their marlboro cigarettes and supporting alcohol companies, stealing non-vegan food and calling it freegan, trashing people who dont subscribe to their culture norms even though punk is generally seen as a defiance of culture, and lately, oddly enough, wearing bright colored wayfarer sunglasses; ironically i guess (but not in the way they meant). its not just the young ones either, i see people i grew up with acting so unabashed towards their lifestyle, but thats all that it is to them: a fucking lifestyle. maybe its not the lack of action, but that attitude that bothers me; punks seem to think they have everything figured out, that they've 'acknowledged that an issue exists, which makes them feel like they've changed'. changed their sunglasses, maybe. punk to me is a medium for change, not only a great community to be involved in (if even only to feel connected), but a means to an end. for me it went (and is still going):

angry youth rebellion ==> political awareness ==> intentional living ==> ???
i've been thinking a lot about what those question marks are; what is the next best step for me, for my generation of punk? is it continued intentional living, but with all of us slowly merging with the new 'eco-friendly' crowd and ultimately watching passively as our world is destroyed in front of us? do i myself risk arrest or my own life to free captured animals, blow up factory farms, actively protest large corporations and sabotage anything that gets in the way of the freedoms of those i love? do i give up, join the proletariat and bury my head in a sea of mindless sheep... and drown like all the rest? or do i get involved in alternative education and encourage others to do the same, in the hopes to accelerate the learning and growth of the next generations of young alternative minds?

i have no idea what is next for me, for now i'm at a point where i'm forced to pay attention to myself (instead of paying attention to exclusively being social) which is a huge step for me towards being helpful to the world. which for sure makes a step i'm willing to take. i've quit or gotten fired from almost every job i've ever had, sometimes because i was too lazy to wake up in the morning, but mostly because working for others makes me feel so incredibly shitty about myself. the only jobs i've had that i was okay with was working for small recording studios/record labels, but those werent exactly helping to change the world either. i've sortof chosen a potential PR 'career path' with the hope of possibly working for an animal rights activism group and working on new ways to spread the message. we will see what happens.

what i do know is that most humans disgust me, and the more intentional i become, the worse they seem. they walk around hopelessly following worthless icons, be it jesus or nike, whats the fucking difference anyway? and i am guilty too, with my boxes of shoes i got before i was vegan but can't seem to throw away even though i don't want to wear them anymore. or my stolen $250 designer jeans... MY 12 PAIRS OF THEM. it doesn't matter that i didn't pay for them, the fact is that i support them. the fact is that i can't seem to let go of my ties to culture, even though i try every day. but i'm working on it (partially by selling everything i own), just like i hope that everyone else i know is. culture is culture, be it bros, hipsters, or punks, most people are just walking around with their own version of a clown suit on, acting like assholes by shitting on everyone who isn't them. this is one thing i'm no longer interested in.

at this point in my life, thinking over the choices that i have made...

+ i think that veganism is a necessary response to factory farming and our culture in general. would i be vegan if animals were still respected and hunted, and not pumped with hormones and tortured? maybe, but i'd probably be less strict. part of me believes its natural to eat animals. but in our culture as it is, i can't ever see eating meat or dairy again. i'm absolutely disgusted by it, by people's lack of thought into what they eat, and even worse they're lack of caring. KNOW YOUR FOOD.

+ straightedge is fucking political. alcohol is just a way to keep the sheep numb and complacent. it also is directly tied in to a sexist rape-friendly culture, where people don't give a shit about anything other than whats in front of them. can i blame them? no. this world is so fucked, and if i was born into believing that i had to get a 9-5 office job and work it until i was 65, i would probably be a fucking drunk too! but i want no part of this culture, and it still disturbs me that its so difficult for people to have 'fun' without the sauce. i would love to know how to help others conquer the insecurity, the anxiety... its fucking terrible, i faced it for years as a teenager and it wasn't until recently that i've been truely able to let go of most of my inhibitions. a lot of which might be age, and since i grew up not drinking, i can conquer it. i'll end this rant again by saying i don't hate people who drink, i don't even hate alcohol, i just hate how it is used by people, by corporations, by government.

i'm proud of myself and most of the people i surround myself with for the way they live their life. i go back and forth between wanting to help others get to this point, and wanting to exterminate most other people. and i don't know if it can be any other way given the strength of frustration that i feel.

i have no more conclusions, so lets start here:

modern punk: a counter-culture, or just another fucking culture?
please comment, please discuss. we can't do this alone.

chapter VI: light the fuse and run... to the south.

2008-06-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

i always thought that i was really good at losing friends. i've burned so many bridges that, lets just say i'm glad i don't live on an island... at the moment. i consider myself a pretty notorious fuck up, like the kindof fuckup where normally you have to be a raging drunk to even try to do some of the dumb shit i've done or said, and a raging idiot to actually pull it off. i like to think i have a lot more sense about me these days, but i still let go of more than i grab hold of. maybe there are some people you just can't do that to, though. a combination of history and their current entanglement in your life. maybe even though you can light the match, nothing will actually catch. maybe the fucking wood is just wet, i dont know. but with certain friends, no matter how shitty it gets, i'll start to forgive them within days. even if i no longer trust them, or even if its never quite the same, i wont be burning their bridge ever.

on monday just after getting into town, i got a text from the wonderful Katy Otto telling me that pygmy lush was playing the night after. so on tuesday, after eating a fucking awesome lunch, matt and i headed down to the bobo gallery, a pretentious little art gallery/bar/showspace in downtown asheville, to see tidelands and the aforementioned pygmy lush. here i got my first taste of asheville hipsters, all 3 of them, and they seemed just as pretentious and interestingly uninterested as anywhere else. in retrospect i should've shot portraits of them but my camera confidence wasn't quite there yet. the show was fucking amazing, and the guys who i talked to in tidelands and pygmy lush were really rad guys. it restored a little bit of the faith i'd lost in the people from the northeast, though mostly it just illustrated that i like older people more than young punks consumed by an image and sub (not counter) culture. more on this in the next post.

here are the photos that i loved from tuesday: (they are very much worth clicking on to enlarge. i will eventually change my format so i can post them fullsize.)

portabello mushroom, smoked tempe, marinated onions, bbq sauce.
yes, i do parties.

everyone's afraid of ghosts.

opener for the show. really amazing, very saddle creek.

tidelands. great dudes. dc pride.

the light in this room was perfect. fuck flashes.

pygmy lush. this band is as incredible as everyone says they are.

they sounded like ghosts. this photo is chillingly accurate.

i just loved this shot. it was sortof an accident.

leave me comments if you have time.
i really want to know what you think.

okay one more quick interlude.

2008-06-14T15:39:00.000-04:00

r. kelly is aquitted of all charges.

despite r. kelly being a personal hero of mine, this is a sad day for humanity. this man belongs in jail. child pornography is completely unacceptable, and getting away with things based on celebrity is something that happens atrociously often. fuck our legal system, and fuck not respecting the life and innocence of a child.

interlude.

2008-06-14T13:36:00.000-04:00

i just needed to get this out.

fuck anyone who isn't genuine. anyone who lies, who can't own up to their own feelings or actions. i'm guilty of this too, a lot, and whatever terrible things have come out of this, i'm sorry. and for me, it ends now. i am who i am, and i'm actually pretty certain of it. and i don't have time for flakes, for liars, for people who just can't ever seem to deliver on their promises, for fairweather friends, and certainly not for people who i thought were my friend but don't actually care about me enough to control themselves in the most basic of ways. especially when they've been pleaded with and warned over and over, because i cared about them enough to think they could change. and i don't have time to act that way, either. thanks to everyone who has been reading this so far, the beta version of what i hope for this to eventually be. everyone seems to have a blog these days, but for me this is just the start of a new chapter of my life. and to all my real friends: thanks for sticking around. there are way more of you than i ever would've imagined i'd have in my life, and i'm floored everytime i think about that.

like i said in my prologue, this is what this blog is about. this is a family. and i'm going to make everyone in my life really feel that way, through stories, through photographs, through wonderful times, and through a lot of bad ideas and trouble. and don't forget bro tattoos.

to everyone else, everyone who doesnt make the criteria of being a decent human being: DON'T BOTHER. don't call me just to ask me for something, don't say things to me that you don't mean, and dont involve me in your social manipulation or your shit talking. i've had enough.

"my friends look out for me like family" - H2O

okay, that being said, expect an update tonight. photos from the pygmy lush/tidelands show, photos from the just die/she rides show, and everything in between.

chapter V: (c)asheville. with a bullet.

2008-06-11T22:29:00.000-04:00

" she said she remembers you vaguely and that you may have been 'bratty'. "

asheville. home of more white hip-hop loving rastas than hell itself. and possibly my future home too. maybe you make an impulsive decision. maybe you realize when its almost too late that it was a terrible decision, and change your mind. but have committed to part of it. maybe everyone is so confused by your idiocy at this point that no one actually gives a shit anymore either way. maybe you don't blame them. and then maybe, just maybe, you consider making that original decision again. new york or north carolina, where oh where do i want to waste my 20s?

after a 9 hour drive last sunday that should have been grueling, but actually was pretty nice because of my amazing ipod choices (majority rule, cross my heart, pg99, the get up kids...), i finally arrived in leicester, NC where my parents have a mini mountain mansion that only my brother lives in. he's my favorite, and charming in a baltimore ghetto kindof way. from then until tuesday i pretty much didn't leave the house, save for food shopping. most of the time i spent grilling food out by the barn in the fire pit, taking photos, and watching funny/weird B porno tapes that chase lisbon gave my brother when chase lived above him. oh, and grocery shopping, one of my favorite things to do lately. taking photos of people while they're buying food makes them absurdly uncomfortable, apparently. i love it. one day soon i'm going to start playing "shopping for other people," the only good scene in Pecker. Thanks John Waters. so that kid in the above photo tripped me out really hard. he kept staring at me like he wanted me to take his picture, so i did it. and then he ran away and started tugging on his mom's arm fat and telling on me. and whats with the gang sign someone wrote on his shoulder? awesome.

here are some photos of asheville thus far:
(note: you can now click on most photos for a larger version.)

i tried to get this cop to let me photograph him wearing my sunglasses.
but all i got was a $75 ticket.

for a lot of the drive i was steering through the viewfinder. that was REALLY sober of me.

thank baby jesus this was waiting for me when i got there.

repetition in this grocery store was making me wile out a little. i have a thing for stacking.

Pastor's wife? or hasidic jew deserter? i will never know.

YOU MAD? this one is seriously my favorite ever.

TURTLE IN THE TRIBAL GALAXY.

jealous?

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. (see: highlander)

okay this is just bad ass. fuck, man.

when good ideas get delicious.

chapter IV: how to be a bad kid part I

2008-06-09T13:41:00.000-04:00

i gotta say, maryland ain't that bad. fresh air, fresh people, and fresh trouble. one thing i really missed about the suburbs is being able to take anything i want. i don't know if i'm officially out of retirement, but there are 3 or 4 department stores and boutiques that probably wish i never left new york. so with two fresh pairs of nudies and a new camera, im well on my way back to a life of mischief. look out.

im new to the camera thing, so bear with me.

bike messenger tan.

hold the cheese, pleeeease.

does not give a FUCK.

bodymore, murdaland.

self.

so many snacks, so little person.

10,000 boners.

this guy was fucking crazy, obvs.

BROS.

"OMGZ i just had the BEST vegan agave-sweetened wheat-free muffin!"

THOU. "this one's for all the straightedge kids". fuck yes!!

my neck got sore from headbanging. thanks dudes!

possibly 15 year old girl metal singer? CREWCIAL headbang.

chapter III: 60 days and 60 nights

2008-06-02T00:02:00.000-04:00

for the next 2 months, this pixelated photograph is my home. silver spring, maryland. i will be staying with my family: dad, step-mom, and two step brothers close to my age. when im not traveling i'll be here, sleeping on a jennifer convertible trundle bed which, despite being more comfortable than it looks, is a far cry from my room in bushwick.

last night was sortof a blur. by the time i got to my last night in town, i hadn't slept in 3 days. instead i'd been sneaking around with yellow cinelli and ending up in the oddest places. the edge of the east river sitting on jersey barriers and getting stalked by jews in trucks, under the JMZ outside of drew's house having the sunrise blocked by the train platform, a rooftop party with a mineshaft and a german history lesson, and who knows where else. but i still managed to retain enough energy to party. last night we barbequed like gods. texas burgers, chicken patties, hot dogs, shish kabobs, and roasted veggies. emily made the best cheesecake i've ever had, and everyone drank rootbeer out of champagne glasses. the sweet sounds of metal filled the room and the air was thick with sexual tension... or was it the terrible humidity? i was having too much fun to pay attention. eventually things started to clear so me, andrew, and yellow cinelli headed to beverly's rooftop to meet up with drew. expecting a dance party, what we actually found was 50 or 60 kids wearing cool kid (read: douche) costumes on a slatted roof that seemed more suited for an elegant brunch than a party. note to self: have brunch up there some time. i shouldn't judge so harshly, im sure they were all fine kids, it was just late and i was ready to be home.

so me and yellow cinelli parted ways with andrew, and i found a fucking dollar on the ground. fuck yes. we went back to my place and split a bottle of cider on the roof. cheers to the potential last of many nights.

here is my travel schedule for the next 2 months:
june 4th - 7th: baltimore
june 9th - 14th (approx): asheville NC
june 26th - july 7th (approx): portland, OR

surrounding and following these dates will be trips to philly. most of july i will be in maryland though trying to get in trouble. this is a call out for all the ghosts and skeletons in my closet: come back to haunt me. lets make it a party. im talking to you, baltimore.

hey new york, see you in 60.

chapter II: bikes, girls, and goodbyes

2008-05-28T01:29:00.000-04:00

its 1:30 in the morning, and of all the things that i should be, awake is not one of them. i, being the important bicycle courier that i am, have an 8:15 pickup at 41 madison avenue. i'll probably deliver it by 8:30 and fall asleep on a bench until 10, baking in the morning sun. this is hopefully my last week as a bike courier, not that i mind it so much but its time to move on; i must say goodbye to the glamorous life of traffic dodging and elevator riding, and push ahead to my future... as an intern. oh joy.

when im not at work, apparently im breaking hearts. i recently broke up with T, a young, idealistic Pratt architecture student who i maintain looks like Scarlett Johansson. she was stunning, with a sharp wit and a sexy stoicism way beyond her years. but like all good things... well, you know. friday was an uncomfortable evening spent in park slope with her bearing gifts and me bearing bad news. "i want you to know that you broke my heart." thats always a fun one to hear. shes wonderful though, and i wish i wasn't so screwed up. i'm going to miss her, a lot more than i will ever let on. from there i went to rope, since it was on my way home, to surprise an old friend and he meet her new love interest. he was fatter than the last one.

on the 1st of june i leave new york for 2 months, just in time to miss an incredibly sweltering new york summer. i'll be in maryland, north carolina, and portland, with no agenda, no inhibitions, and a new camera. this summer will be a memorable one, to say the least. with my days before i leave numbered, i'm subscribing to Get Rad's idea, "say fuck no to rules". come friday i plan on not sleeping until i leave, getting in as much trouble as possible along the way. saturday night im throwing a bash in williamsburg where i will be dressed to the 10s and will have a bottle of sparkling cider glued to each of my hands the entirety of the night.

tomorrow night i'll be on the lookout for a yellow cinelli.
oh trouble, i missed you. lets never fight again, okay?

chapter I: the poop shoot.

2008-05-20T15:03:00.000-04:00

you might ask yourself how i ended up with my pants around my ankles on a toilet holding a pair of pink lacy panties in my hand, in front of a camera no less. honestly, by the time i got to this 'poop shoot' i wasn't even remotely surprised to be there. yes, the most notorious of unholy holes has been a reoccurring theme in my life lately. i won't say anymore, but i will tell you that i got a gold styrofoam poo for taking off my pants. these manhattanite pansies acted like it was so edgy. when you're from where i'm from, taking off your pants just means you're at a party. and what.

it is design week, which means the start of a secret project with the internet's andrew kenney. white brooklyn certainly is not ready for this, and we're going to make them hate themselves. we ain't no joke. design week also means that all of the hip asians and way too skinny swedes have found their way to lower manhattan for tradeshows, events, and parties. being that these are two of my favorite demographics of fashionable but generally worthless human beings, i am not upset about this at all.

in other news, now that im recently single (i guess?) i've kindof got a crush on a girl. but i get crushes like its going out of style, so whatever. wicked cute, great sense of humor. plus she likes natural born killers, the most romantic movie ever made. too bad im traveling for the next few months (which is why im single to begin with, pretty much). timing never was my strong suit.

there is a new camera in my future, so future chapters will have a heavier photo presence. thats all anyone gives a fuck about anyway. so i'll end this chapter with two photos from our puppy-napping trip to rochester recently. i've been loving these lately, so you should do the same.

get fucking stoked.

prologue: a proper introduction.

2008-05-18T13:57:00.000-04:00

so this is where my story begins.
bushwick, brooklyn, new york.

hey. my name is ian. i am 22 years and 7 months old. i have been residing in brooklyn for almost 2 years now. this place is my home. actually, i truly hated new york until about a month ago, one could even say i despised it. working full time but somehow never making any money, new york can feel like a prison. but what i recently figured out is that more so than anywhere else, it takes a very long time to build a life here. but the secret is, once you do, it's the most amazing city on the planet. one day you wake up and everything falls into place, you have friends, family, places to go, things to do, an entire world that was right outside your doorstep all along, is suddenly available and welcoming you.

that is what this blog is about. the people you get to know. the things you come to love. building a community inside and outside of your home. seperating the "cool" from the cool. young lust. true romance. getting in trouble. having fun. living. working. loving. hating.

this is my life. i am here to share it with you.